just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
