do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
you never un-have a 4some
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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