you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
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