i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
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