I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
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