He had one of those small greek statue penises
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
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