just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
