I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
Randomize
