i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
Randomize