Your tits are I can't wait for
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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