very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
Randomize
