Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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