I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Randomize