you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
Randomize
