I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
