the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
Randomize
