I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
This is my gift to your gina
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Randomize
