We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
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