do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
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