another moral hangover. fuck.
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
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