"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
