My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
I just sucked dick on a ferry
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
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