You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize