I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
