Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
