Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
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