I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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