he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize