i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
