god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
