Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
Randomize
