you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Randomize
