Duck Duck Cougar?
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
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