we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Randomize
