I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
Randomize
