she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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