saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
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