I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
Randomize
