Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
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