That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Randomize
