My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
Randomize
