Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
Randomize
