somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
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