wanna go halves on a baby?
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize
