Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
Randomize
