I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
