??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
