She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
