Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
Randomize
