i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
