I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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