Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
i'm transferring to degrassi. i don't care that it's severely canadian. classes are five minutes long, there's no actual work and you can get oot of class whenever you want to go have a dramatic scene with someone in the hall
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Randomize
