My hand turned me down
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
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