Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
Randomize
