Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
I'm having to shit out rocks
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize