around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
Send help, water and tortillas.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Randomize
