Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
babies were throwing up all over the place
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
Randomize
