my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
Send help, water and tortillas.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
Randomize
