I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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