Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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