PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
