totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Randomize
