Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
Randomize
